Two Queers and a Hammer

Tim’s Potato salad and it is awesome!

A very good and unusual salad dressing. I like it on bib lettuce, bacon crumbles, walnuts, purple onions and tomato wedges!

Hello all,

It’s your friendly neighborhood bear and I am on a bit of a rant. The rant is all concerning Selfies. Now, I have taken more than my fair share and I don’t mind the narcissistic, self promotion… hell I say take more if you like to. What I have an issue with is background, foreground, staging, you name it. It’s all about what’s in the picture with you. So I have compiled a list of beefs I have with my fellow gay men and their Selfies.

1. Bathroom nudes: Yes, I know the bathroom has the largest mirror and thus making it the best place for taking a picture if you don’t have a selfie stick, however be conscious of the background. First, clean you bathroom the fuck up. Nothing says sexy like a toilet seat left up with golden water. A filthy sink and counter is next on my list of hates. Is it so hard to wipe down a surface? And clear off the products. Away with the toothpaste, shaving gear and what nots. Hell, I saw a tube of hemorrhoid cream on the counter of one guy’s pic. Really? Seriously? I’m done.
2. The Bed Room: Okay here is where I get even more irate. Clean up your room! You’re not fifteen living at home… well some of those guys might still be living at home. Pick up your dirty clothes that are strewn all over the bed and floor. Come on, guys are looking at the picture and yah you may be hot but a slob is still a slob. You can’t undo a first impression. Also sheets! Put sheets on your bed. I saw a wonderfully handsome man ruin is picture by laying on a bed with no sheets and now mattress pad. Nothing says serial killer like a bare bed.
3. Sex products: Put them away. Nothing says sexy like seeing a Costco sized pump bottle of lube on your nightstand with used condom rappers. Nightstands are for clocks, books and a glass of water. Not your latest dildo, cock ring or expanding butt plug. Clean out a drawer in you nightstand and organize your toys. Mine is a nicely put together with items categorized by use. Yes, I have a touch of OCD but you’ll never find a stray pube on my toys!
4. Last and most important. Stop trying to be sexy. Be natural and smile. Most times when guys try to be sexy, all it comes across as is constipated. Let out that fart and laugh… a sense of humor is very sexy.

Okay, I’m done. Off to judge the world some more… oh and my bed is made, my toys are put up and my bathroom sparkles. Yep, I’m all that and can hook my knees behind my ears. Ta!

Tidy and sexy all in one!

Well time for a little realness check. So last weekend I went out with my gay couple friend, Lars and Sheldon,  and we went to a local gay bar after dinner. For the first time in ages, I was the third wheel and I can tell you it sucked. They are so in love and so cute and so…WTFE

Anyhow, so I am standing there with my prerequisite gin and tonic and looked over the lay of the land and was I disheartened. Now granted, I’m at a bar and the chances of finding a nice guy are as likely as getting hit with a piece of Skylab. But the attitudes bothered me.  Let me clarify this and break it down into groups.

The mean girls; These are the twenty something, retail working, don’t have a pot to piss in, twinky boys who act as if being young is all they need. Well sister, let me tell you this. You work at Macy’s… I shop there. Don’t look down on me because I’m not like buff, and twenty. I’m a good guy. Stop gabby and yassing and gurling and take a chance. Talk to a guy.

Couples: Gawd, they sit in the corner of a bar and size up potential prey. Men are sized up, judged and dismissed in short order until they find some young thing, usually the case because us old duffers know how to handle our booze, and swish in and snatch him away amid a flurry of compliments and offers of 420.

The average guy: Why, oh why are you passing me by. You seem like a good guy but you want the Adonis of the gay world. Not a man who will take care of you went your sick and even pretend to like your mother.

Next are the phone boys: You never look up from you phone. You are too busy browsing Growlr, Grindr, Scruff and not to the men around you.

And this was only a cross section.

It was a Gaysteland! I’m not trying to be a bitch but holy hell. If this is the men I have to choose from, get me a crazt cat lady starter kit (Four kittens), a video on how to knit, yarn and a bottle of Xanax. As I told my friend Lars in despair… I’m going to die alone.

Oh well… knit one, purl two… come to daddy Mittens.

As you might have read in my previous post, my husband Tim Marsh passed away suddenly and I find myself lost and angry and sad and… well lonely. You can’t have a person in your life for almost twenty years and then not and it not profoundly affect you. My house is eerily quiet at times and if it wasn’t for my father-in-law, who still lives with me, I think I’d go insane. Over the last few months I’ve taken a brief inventory of my life and I am dubious… of all of it.

In as much as I have grown comfortable as a husband and partner and yes… yes I’ll say it! I got fat! I love pie! I love meat! I adore cheese and I freaking hate exercise! But it didn’t matter. My hubby loved me despite all my physical changes over the years. But now what? I know one day I might date again but who would want me?

Now don’t get all judgy. I know it’s a pity party and I am entitled for a scosh of it. Hell, my single female friends in their forties talk about how horrible the options out there are for them. I am genuinely afraid. I met my Tim through friends in what I think was wonderfully divine luck. Can it strike again.

Who the hell knows.

In the meantime, I go to work, I try to stay busy and try to stay out of the wine.

Hello all,

I am now a widower at the age of 45. My beloved husband and cofounder of Two Queers passed away suddenly of brain cancer. I find that I am lost and have decided to reapply myself to this blog. I don’t know how it will go. I don’t know if it will but stay tuned. God only knows what will happen. Tim, if your watching from above, I hope you get a good laugh out of some of this crap.

Welcome all. This is my first post in ages and it’s all about how Tim and I renovated our master bathroom on a budget. Above are the pictures of the bathroom before the reovation. Tim and I spent alot of time prepping for this renovation. Purchasing items for over a years. Catching items on sale or close out. Shopping close out. Over all cost was roughly 3500 dollars for supplies. 1400 for outside labor and 500 for WTF issues. The project took 8 week. Longer than I planned but work and school interferred with the work.

Here are the basics problems: Two vanities but no linen storage or medicine cabinets. a idiotic pony wall between one vanity and the tub. A biddet that was not used. A closed off shower that grew mold in the back. A slippery shower floor that I have personaly slipped on twice. Ouch. Blah builder grad everything!

Here are the positives: Great sized room. Toilet in great shape. Nice sized tube. Good shower size. Newly intalled tile floors.

This was not so much a renovation as a hybrid between renovation and decorating. Below I’m going to list we purchased.

21 Boxes of white subway tire and 20 12by12 glass and marble mosaic tiles. 6 tubes of mastic and 6 bags of white grout. One tub of Redblok

16 marble edge pieces and 10 marble trim pieces. Eitght sheet of pebble tile. I glass shower wall. New accessories and hardware.

2 Mirrrors, 2 vanities with tops. Four fixtures for the tube, shower and two sinks, an Ikea Dining room cabinet, two new light fixtures……

And a whole lot of time.

Some might say this was a perfectly fine bathroom and in essence it was. But Tim and I had other plans. I will post the demo pics in four days and explain the steps.

Hello all,

First of all I wish to apologize. I had all the best intentions on making this a great blog…and I fell flat. I am currently writing a supernatural series based on gay witches. I expect the first one Avaritia to be out in one month. I also plan on starting up my blog again. Today I apologize and I shall endeavor to post more regularly.

Thank you for checking me out and my page…

Matt

Happy Christmas to all!

The food, the lights…the visiting family! EEK!  I know we all love having family visit. (I actually said that with a straight face). But while seeing your loved ones is wonderful, having them stay at your home can be daunting to say the least. You will cooking twice as much, have twice as much laundry and twice as many people fighting for the TV remote. I do have something to make at least one part of your life easier. Prepping your guest bath for visitors.

I know what you’re thinking. My guest bath is fine and it probably is…for most of the year. However when family comes, you need to be prepped and ready…so they stay out of your bathroom. Your bathroom is filled with your daily maintenance: jellys, gels and drugs. People do not need to see your nose hair trimmers, your hair colorants, your ped egg,your antacids or Imodium. Somethings should stay private.

That being said, if you prep your guest bath correctly, there should be no reason they need to go into your bathroom. Unless they are being noisy.

Lets break it down.

1: Provide plenty of towels and wash cloths. I know some people use loofas or scrubbers. That’s all good and fine. However if your guest are sharing a bathroom, people don’t want to share one scrubbing loofa. That is strictly a one person object. Sharing it would be like sharing a tooth brush with six people…and that’s just gross. So wash cloths…alot of them!

2. DO NOT Put a single bar of soap in the shower/tub. Think about where it might end up! Got that picture…gross again. Provide at least two types of body wash. One scented and was scent free. More than that and you’re trying to hard. If you must have soap, go to the store and buy travel sized ones. So people can use them and chuck’em. Again no one wants to reach for the soap and have to comb it out! Gross.

3. Have a basket under the sink with fresh toothbrushes and tooth paste. Someone always forgets them. Buy cheep tooth brushes only because they are going to be thrown away after the visit. Also a good pump hand soap. Non scented to be safe

4. Medications: Here is a basic list of must haves for your guest medicine chest: Imodium, Mylanta, Rolaids, Tylenol 650s, Motrin, Aleve and Ibuprofen. NyQuill, benadryl and Oral gel. Hand lotion, I like St Ives none scented and cocobutter lotion. Tyelnol cold and flue tablets are a nice extra. Especially at this time of year and Kleenex, several boxes.

5. Grooming utensil: I know but better to have them use spares than yours. Toenail and fingernail clippers, a pair of small scissors, dental floss, Cottonballs, Q-Tips, basic hair spray, gels, nail files and tweezers!

6. Bandages: A bandaid box with a wide variety of bandage types, Neoporin, Peroxide and liquid skin.

Oh and the most important two things in a bathroom. Quality toilet paper and air freshner. I prefer Angel soft and Non scented Lysol. Killing germs as a bonus.

I know this seems to be quite list but it pans out in the end. Here is how I arranged some of my stuff in the guest bath. I found out that the Yankee candle jars fit perfect on the shell so I re used them. The clear glass allows the guest to see exactly what they are getting.

First Jar from left: Banaids. Second: Cottonballs. Third: Q-tips. Fourth: Clippers and tweezers and last cough drops. And a fluffy hand towel that must be changed every day!

Hope this gives you some inspiration and keeps your guests out of your bathroom.

Cheers

Matt

Okay, I admit its been a bit since we posted. Life got just a touch busy and birthdays consumed our time. Tim turned 51 and I turned 43. We were too busy celebrating and got off track. BUT! I’m back. Coincidently, our weather cooled off too! Well when Tim left one Monday for one of his evening classes I made homemade split pea soup for Pop and me. Tim doesn’t like it so, I waited until he had a class day. Here is my version of spit pea soup. I am mindful of the salt so add or don’t add to your taste.

Split Pea and Bacon soup

2 1/25 cups of rinse and drained split peas

1 lb of bacon. I like smokey bacon, thick cut with a good amount of fat on it

1 onion rough chop

1 celery stalk rough chopped

2 carrots. Peeled and chopped.

1 large potatoe. Peeled and cubed.

4 1/2 cup water

1 cup of good white wine. If you don’t cook with alcohol use another cup of water.

1 spring or 1 tbs of thyme

2 bay leaves. Good sized ones

Pinch of cayenne

salt and  white pepper to taste.

****First off let me clarify one thing. Most recipes tell you to soak the peas overnight in water to soften. I NEVER can remember to do this. So this is my quick version. As long as your soup can simmer for two hours, it will come out fine.

First dice your bacon up and add to a large pot over medium heat. Render your bacon to get the fat out. Don’t cook the bacon! It doesn’t need to be crispy. Just get some of the fat from it. It takes about five minutes. Remember NOT CRISPY! Remove bacon to separate bowel and toss in onion, carrots and celery into the bacon fat. I leave all the fat in. Add one teaspoon of salt and 1 teaspoon of white pepper. Saute for about 5 minutes til onions are becoming clear. Pour in the wine and deglaze the bottom of the pot. Now the easy part. Pour in all the water, add the bay leaves, thyme, bacon, cayenne, potatoes and the peas. Add one tablespoon of salt and one teaspoon of white pepper. Bring it all to a boil, then remove and cover. Simmer for two hours. Check and stir as needed. If the water level is below the peas, add to cover.

This is when I usually go online and shop or watch some home improvement show. Meh….maybe even do some laundry.

After two hours taste.  Remove bay leaves. Add salt if needed. Now the tricky part. If you have an immersion blender, blend away on medium spead. If not, blend soup in batches in your blender. Remember in your blender do it in small batches so it doesn’t fly out the top. I happen to like my split pea soup smooth, so i blend the hell outta it. If you like it chucky, blend less.  When all this blending in done, add back to pot and simmer to warm. Readjust seasonings to taste. Don’t be suprised if you have to add more salt. Do it slowly. Too much salt is hard to fix, better to add in small amounts.

Serve with cuban crusty bread and croutons for the top of the soup. It freezes well. When reheating add water to thin.

Enjoy!

Another example of ‘threes’. I have a thing for pears!

Three pears, three different sizes, colors and textures.

The picture is not great but the five I am showing you are five placks I found at a resale shop. When doing greater than three try to stay in a theme. All the same size or the same color or same medium. Examples are like the placks. Or how about five black and white photos of your family. Take regular photos, scan them to your computer and alter them. Print and voila, instant urban art.

Last is seven and up. I currently have no ‘seven’s up. Last one I did was a row of like books. Same size, same genre.

What I do have, is a good example of ‘nines’. With nines I keep the sizes the same and the style similar. These are all tooled leather stretched over frames. The colors vary, giving good movement. You could do nine botanical photos, or family pictures, or clowns. Doesn’t mattter. If you like the grouping, go for it.